My Father-In-Law – The Crypto Boomer

It’s 2011 and we’re having a nice Friday night dinner with my wife and her family. My father in law tells me about a new Internet coin he discovered and started “mining”. I’m an experienced software engineer, I brush it off. What is this Boomer even saying to me. His wife laughs at him. I chuckle a bit too. My mind doesn’t give it a second thought.

It’s 2014, my father in law invites me into his basement. It feels like hell. I have never felt such heat in my entire life. He shows me his new mining rigs with pride. He tells me he’s mining a new coin called Ethereum now. I think he’s crazy and go back to working on a software project for my client. When I go back upstairs, my mother in law asks me if her husband has gone insane, breaking down crying. He spent so much money on those rigs. Almost all of their savings. For the next 3 years, I hear her constantly ridiculing him. My mother in law’s jaw is hurting from all the complaining and bickering. My father in law shrugs and goes down to his basement to check on his rigs.

It’s 2017. Everyone I know is standing in line to have my father in law build mining rigs for them. Myself included. I buy my first Bitcoin.

My mother in law’s jaw is still hurting, nowadays because she wakes up my father in law with a morning blowjob and fresh pancakes. He is hailed as an investing genius. My father in law shrugs and doesn’t say much. He sells some coins and pays off the mortgage. He builds rigs and teaches everyone in town how to buy crypto. He tells them to “hodl”.

It’s 2019. My mother in law is furious that my father in law didn’t sell all those stupid coins in order to buy a second house and a new car. She told him and he didn’t listen. The mortgage isn’t enough. I ask him if he regrets not selling it all – he says the only thing he regrets is marrying this woman, and goes back to his basement.

It’s 2020. My father in law is getting morning blowjobs again. It’s some Russian model now. Her jaw doesn’t hurt, she’s pretty young and strong.

Fucking guy.