A Better Way to Build A Vue, Nuxt, React, etc… Server?

I am building a dapp that relies on a Metamask auth to login. My dapp is basically a Nuxt app where certain whitelisted user can access extra Nuxt pages. It bothers me that hosting this dapp is centralized. It only looks at the Ethereum blockchain to make sure an address meets the requirements for the whitelisting. I wish this dapp could be serverless because as long as a server provides the Nuxt functionality this dapp is completely centralized.

So it occurred to me that when I write a smart contract, I actually write callable functions that can be accessed with the dapp user's Eth wallet. Annnnnnnnnd what is a Nuxt app other than a series of functions that load view pages…. So could I write the entire Nuxt server as a Solidity smart contract? Has anyone done this?

If the gas cost would make this prohibitive on Ethereum, could you do it on Polygon, or Avalanche, or some other EVM compatible chain?