All of your coins suck
There’s far too much tribalism in crypto. People should have a sense of humor and be able to laugh at themselves and the coins they support. So I thought it’d be fun to start some more light-hearted shit talk about each coin and their holders. As a disclaimer, I personally own 5 of the coins I list below, so not just trying to slam coins I don't support.
You all are probably funnier than me, so add your smack talk in the comments.
| Crypto | Why it sucks |
|---|---|
| Bitcoin | The God you worship named Satoshi is so ashamed of his creation that he refuses to reveal his true identity |
| Ethereum | More like Efeereum, amirite?! |
| Tether | Trust us guys this coin totally isn’t a sham and is 100% backed by USD. Don’t worry we audited ourselves to confirm this completely true fact so obviously there’s no need to ask any further questions |
| Nano | That kid in school who thinks everyone hates him because he’s smarter than everyone else, but in reality he’s just really fucking annoying |
| Uniswap | People who think unicorns are cool are the same people who consistently talk about their patronus animal in casual conversations |
| Cardano | We’re a smart contract platform that doesn’t have smart contracts! |
| Polkadot | We chose a cute name like Polkadot so when this project inevitably fails it’ll still retain some value as a meme shitcoin |
| Ripple | plz be gentle daddy SEC |
| Theta Coin | Still trying to decide who’s crazier, people who believe in Theta coin or the scientologists who believe in literal Thetans |
| Litecoin | Lite on the use-cases, light on any feature development, lite on any logical reason for you to own this shitcoin |
| Stellar | We’re so cool that even our logo a rocket ship! It literally can’t go tits up! |
| Dogecoin | Owners are too stupid to realize Elon is mocking them and getting off on playing puppet master with their wallets |
| Algorand | Have you accepted Silvio Micali, MIT professor and winner of a Turing award, as your lord and savior? |
| Bitcoin SV | A great cryptocurrency, all-around solid |
Edit: Some additional ones I've been posting in the comments
| Crypto | Why it sucks |
|---|---|
| BAT | Users so desperate for crypto they get excited to watch ads for pennies |
| XMR | Users fail to realize that privacy doesn't matter since no one cares about you or what you do with your whopping 0.22 XMR |
| Moons | The crypto Redditors pray gains value so they can rationalize shitposting their life away. |
submitted by /u/ominous_anenome
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