Save us, Vitalik!

The can't lose money coin is losing money! How can this be? Every time I have ever lost money in ETH Vitalik swoops in and undoes whatever caused the loss. When I put all of my money in a smart contract that awarded all of my money to someone else, Vitalik just changed the blockchain and gave it back to me. Then the price went from $10 to $4,500. But oh dear leader, I now have coins that I bought for $4,500 and they are only worth $1,500! I am losing money! This is against the rules of Ethereum! Save us, Vitalik!