Noob Jumping In (BOTH FEET)

Obviously I won’t speak to amount but after a decent bit of research I will be investing in ETH. It is not just $100 to play around with, I am seeking to hold long term and enjoy the benefits of this glorious currency.

I am no pro. I was previously cyber security and I’m confused as hell. HOW do I keep these buggers safe? I’d love to use an IOS app for ease but I’ve seen several security cases AGAINST, but the idea of a single hardware asset maintaining all my funds?!?

1) How do I establish redundancy for my funds safety?

I’ve read plenty of posts in this sub complaining about beginners but nothing with a JARGON FREE explanation. After weeks of reading I still can’t seem to get all the terminology so, this post exists.

2) I am also very confused on how the profits are taxed. (American but I’m purchasing while living in the EU)

While I understand these are big questions, I’m very confident in ETH and excited to get help. I’d also be willing to compensate someone for some coaching/guidance, so let me know if that interests anyone. I don’t wanna end up poor or in jail…. just fat and happy with a full ETH wallet.