All of your coins suck

Cryptocurrency News and Public Mining Pools

All of your coins suck

There’s far too much tribalism in crypto. People should have a sense of humor and be able to laugh at themselves and the coins they support. So I thought it’d be fun to start some more light-hearted shit talk about each coin and their holders. As a disclaimer, I personally own 5 of the coins I list below, so not just trying to slam coins I don't support.

You all are probably funnier than me, so add your smack talk in the comments.

Crypto Why it sucks
Bitcoin The God you worship named Satoshi is so ashamed of his creation that he refuses to reveal his true identity
Ethereum More like Efeereum, amirite?!
Tether Trust us guys this coin totally isn’t a sham and is 100% backed by USD. Don’t worry we audited ourselves to confirm this completely true fact so obviously there’s no need to ask any further questions
Nano That kid in school who thinks everyone hates him because he’s smarter than everyone else, but in reality he’s just really fucking annoying
Uniswap People who think unicorns are cool are the same people who consistently talk about their patronus animal in casual conversations
Cardano We’re a smart contract platform that doesn’t have smart contracts!
Polkadot We chose a cute name like Polkadot so when this project inevitably fails it’ll still retain some value as a meme shitcoin
Ripple plz be gentle daddy SEC
Theta Coin Still trying to decide who’s crazier, people who believe in Theta coin or the scientologists who believe in literal Thetans
Litecoin Lite on the use-cases, light on any feature development, lite on any logical reason for you to own this shitcoin
Stellar We’re so cool that even our logo a rocket ship! It literally can’t go tits up!
Dogecoin Owners are too stupid to realize Elon is mocking them and getting off on playing puppet master with their wallets
Algorand Have you accepted Silvio Micali, MIT professor and winner of a Turing award, as your lord and savior?
Bitcoin SV A great cryptocurrency, all-around solid

Edit: Some additional ones I've been posting in the comments

Crypto Why it sucks
BAT Users so desperate for crypto they get excited to watch ads for pennies
XMR Users fail to realize that privacy doesn't matter since no one cares about you or what you do with your whopping 0.22 XMR
Moons The crypto Redditors pray gains value so they can rationalize shitposting their life away.

submitted by /u/ominous_anenome
[link] [comments]